No, Scuba, no! (the finale)

(A wander over to the first part of this soggy tale  is probably a good idea, if you haven’t already been there).

By the time I’d flipper-flopped my way out of the pool, strapped on a weight belt and completed one more backwards-walk into the water, the group had become accustomed to sitting on the bottom. Hubby and I sank down beside them. An odd experience in itself, to be honest. Kneeling on the bottom of a pool beside complete strangers. My mouthpiece jammed securely between my teeth, every breath a loud, rasping sound in my ears.

I tried to orientate myself by focusing on the instructor, whose face was largely covered by her mask. She began making hand signs, pointing first to her mask then to each of us in turn. Suddenly, and to my horror, she lifted it slightly, allowing water to flood in! Given my lifelong fear of water covering my face (even in the shower) I could feel my heartbeat take on a rapid drum beat. As we watched, her mask slowly emptied out again. I then realised she wanted us to follow suit.

Holy crap. How, what… panic raced through me as I watched the guy beside me take a stab at it. Seemed to work for him. Jesus H, I was next! My hands shaking with fear I took in a huge gulp of air and gingerly lifted the edge of my mask a fraction, praying for magical deliverance. Instantly a rush of cold water raced in, blinding my eyes. All rational thought vanished. It felt like I was drowning. I kicked for the surface and wrenched off my mask, treading water furiously.

A minute later she was there beside me, irritation lacing her features. “You are supposed to breathe out through your nose” she barked, “then the air will be pushed back out”. I couldn’t speak. “Come back down, we’ll try again” she urged. Back down I went.

Two minutes later I was again pushing for the surface, and this time the tears came as soon as I tried to speak. “I can’t do it!” I squealed, “I can’t do it!”.

“I think you need extra time with Hans” she sighed, gesturing for a young, blonde, very tall Adonis-like instructor to join us in the water. Relief flooded through me but he wasted no time, “Come, we go stand there” he said, his lithe, tanned body cutting powerfully through the water.

Stand? yeah right. By the time I reached him I was way out of my depth and had to tread water to stay afloat. For the next ten minutes we practised the art of filling my mask and emptying it while my legs cycled frantically underwater. Before long we’d both had enough.

“I’ve had enough” I gurgled up at him, “I want to get out”.

“Ok” said Hans, “why don’t you snorkel back to the shallow end and take a rest?”

Ah, snorkelling… I can do that I thought, popping in my mouthpiece before (tiredly) flopping onto my back! Needless to say with my first breath I slurped in a huge mouthful of water, and began to choke. Hans watched me from afar as I flailed around, spluttering… his face a study in curiosity.

By the time I’d splashed my way to the shallow end and lay gasping on the tiles it was clear to all that scuba diving was not going to be ‘my thing’. Time I stopped trying to be a mermaid and went back to what suited me best – a sport-free life!

scuba diver at poolside
Clearly, scuba diving was never, ever going to be ‘my thing’!

19 thoughts on “No, Scuba, no! (the finale)

  1. Nice of Hans to rush forward to your assistance like that when you were coughing and spluttering in front of him. I must admit, I like the idea of scuba diving, but I’m pretty sure I’d be terrible at the reality of it. Snorkelling is enough for me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed, that was my feeling at the time too. No, Hans was too busy looking cool and admiring his biceps to pay me any real attention… 🙂 And I think u r right, I also loved the idea of scuba diving, but the reality was a bit of a shock! 🙂 snorkeling is perfectly fine for those of us less capable in water! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Merry Christmas sweetie, and thank you for making me laugh again (that’s your Christmas present to me and I loved it!) At least you had the courage to try scuba diving…I’m really not sure I’d ever gotten as far as you did. Putting the equipment on, okay. Getting into the water, okay. Putting my head under the water, uh, no way, no way lol!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Genie, Happy New Year to you and your family! I hope you had a great Christmas! We always have a mega celebration, it is my way of finding back Christmasses from my youth and Ireland, so… Decorations everywhere, oversized tree with lots of gifts haha… You know the drill! I have not had a moment to go near my blog as my sister and nephew also came to visit (wonderful) and in between cooking/baking and two birthdays as well (hope u had a great one by the way)… Phew! No chance! But all in a good cause. Now the challenge will be how to TRY lose weight after all the festivities… Uh oh!! And what about those yummy chocolates I hid in the corner… Sure it would be bad grace to let them just lie there… 🙂

      Anyway, very best wishes as I said, I hope your health situation was ok and no shocks there. Take care, it is a new year so I am sending you all happy thoughts and wishes for good times ahead of us. We deserve it!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so glad you had so much fun during your holidays sweetie! And no treats should ever be left behind lol! I had a great birthday (and I hope you did too) and a wonderful Christmas and New Year yay! Unfortunately, the older I get, the longer it takes me to recover from a good time lmao. I’ve been very hit and miss with my blogs too 🙂 I went out last night and played Trivia at a local bar with some friends and our team won, hotcha! We won a grand total of 6 dollars apiece but it was the playing that was the best part. I hate it when the answer is trying to make its way from my befuddled brain down but not in time, however, those moments when the right answer does eventually suddenly pop up, that is so grand! Our team had been trailing by one point since the very first category but we got all the answers right in the last one while the then first-place team sunk like a rock. They were a bit disappointed but I’ve been there so I know how bad that sucks. The last time our team played before Christmas we lost by one point so this was sweet revenge lol. But now, like you said, all of those yummy holiday treats have also taken their revenge as well and now we have to lose the weight, sigh! Oh well, we can do it all over again this coming Christmas lol! I’m sending you wonderful good thoughts and happy wishes that you and yours have a fantastic 2016! XXX OOO!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. hahaha.. oh well done!! I am absolutely useless at general knowledge quizzes. To a point of embarrassment, haha, so I really admire anyone who’s good at it. “Envious eyes” 🙂 and I can imagine the sense of victory was very very sweet, so well done you!! yippee do day. Thanks a lot for the good wishes, and all the same back to you and yours. This is going to be a GOOD year, I’ve decided, haha!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Mmmmm… mermaids don’t need all that stuff strapped to them!! They just be!! 😉

    Thanks… you’ve really made me laugh! Again!!!!!

    May you and the family have a GREAT (sport free) festive season!! Have fun… mind you, don’t do what I wouldn’t!! 😈

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Norodaigh,
    I know In My Cluttered Attic and Danny Ray. I met you on his site. You liked a comment I made on his site, when he featured my Follow to Follow Directory yesterday, and I came over to thank you and introduce myself.
    In response to your site, your blog name is hysterical. This seems like a candidly raw site told with humor everyone can relate to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Janice, how nice that you dropped in, so to speak! And thank you for the lovely comment. I try to tell my stories in a way people will get a few good laughs from them. Gets us all through the days, a bit of fun and self mockery. 🙂 I am trying, same as everyone else, to slowly build my readership so great to have hooked up with you!

      Liked by 1 person

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